Have you ever heard someone say…..

Have you ever heard a girl say:


“OMG I HATE DRAMA!!  I can’t STAND people with drama!”

I’ll take a solid bet that crazy b*tch has some DRAMA going on!!!!

If she HATES drama so much, it probably means she goes through so much drama, that she hates it.


Have you ever heard a person say:

“HOLY BEJEEZUS I HATE MONDAYS!!”

One.) Who still says ‘holy bejeezus’??

Two.) What this person MEANS to say is, “Boy do I hate the work I PERSONALLY have to do for 5 weekdays in a row, starting with Monday.”

Three.) This person in blaming “Monday” as being the enemy….not their shitty job.

People who don’t feel what they’re doing is “work” generally don’t complain about it much.


These types of negative attitudes shown above might seem pretty harmless, but when people agree with you after saying those statements, it re-enforces the bad behavior in you.

You: “I hate people with drama.”
Other person: “Yeah people with drama totally suck.”

You: “God I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow, Monday suuccckks!!”
Other person: “I’m withya man.  Wish I could have another day off.”

See what happened?

You completely get off the hook for YOUR shitty mindset.

Instead of doing anything about reducing drama in your life or making your work life better, you just continue on with the negative patterns and blame external things.  

I’m sure you’re guilty of this from time-to-time. I sure am.  

 

So here’s a little self-improvement task:
I want you to notice just one negative thinking pattern you have.

Basically any attitude where you blame SOMETHING ELSE other than yourself.  But in reality it’s YOU that can control that situation.

I want you to tell me what this attitude is because:
1.) I’m nosey.
2.) By writing it out, it’ll help you correct it (if you want to).

Leave a comment below and let me know what you blame on SOMETHING ELSE, but in reality it’s YOU that can control it:

Sincerely,
(Nosey) Neville

 

P.S.  I will be physically shipping FIVE NevBox’s to the best comments (worth $97/each).

Blog posted on: December 8, 2013

139 comments on “Have you ever heard someone say…..

  1. Ramon

    Time management. I have a hard time completing projects because I get busy and I like to blame all the things I “have to do” when in reality I just need to get better at managing my time. As Jesse Spano from SBTB would say ” there’s never any time! I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so. …scared!”

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      Wow, mixing a Saved By The Bell comment into the mix. NICE.

      Maybe consider cutting out a bunch of the stuff you DON’T have to do. Narrow it down to only one project.

      Reply
      1. Ramon

        I have started doing the drastic version of this with very good results: I sit down, pick one task, and plow through it regardless of how long it takes and not worry/think about anything else consequences be damned. Surprisingly, life still goes on, no one blows a fuse, and at least one thing gets done, leading me to scratch it off my list. Thanks for the reply.

        Reply
  2. Eddy

    “Man, my client is retarded. Who hires a copywriter for their copywriting ability, and THEN EDITS THEIR WRITING?!?!”

    Nope, I fucked up, not my client. I didn’t succeed in aligning my copywriting knowledge with their brand and thoughts, I didn’t succeed in explaining to them why I wrote something just so, and I didn’t listen to what they had to say about themselves and their audience.

    Bitching about it feels good, ’cause now it’s just retarded clients being retarded.

    But the truth is twofold:

    A) This shit even happened to Ogilvy. People had the gall to edit Ogilvy! So yeah, some people are retarded.

    B) It’s ALWAYS my fault. At least half of it is. If I were to master the building of a relationship and an understanding of my clients, I wouldn’t have nearly so many edits to my work. No matter what happens, success or failure, I must assume that most of the blame/credit lies on me…because then I can look at what to do better and what do keep doing.

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      Yup, this is a VERY common way of pawning off the blame.

      BUT, perhaps make it blame-proof like this:
      Before taking on a client, make 100% sure they know they’re NOT allowed to edit your writing at all.

      If that’s such a huge thing, you can stand by it.

      However you might realize it’s not that big of a deal.

      I personally now only do consults on my OWN time. This makes my life a lot more enjoyable, and the people buying the consults know this.

      Also the people that buy anything I sell usually read my email letters every week, so they know what to expect. This makes us all a lot more aligned together than if they were randoms.

      If there’s deal-breakers in your business, state them upfront, and uphold them.

      Thanks Eddy!!

      Reply
  3. Joel

    I want to radically change how I make money, but I am too afraid to step out of my comfort zone. The problem is I’ve been working for the same company for 20 years. The job requires a lot of time to be successful, but it is not very satisfying from a financial nor from a personal standpoint.

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      Well you need to SET ASIDE TIME to do something on the side. It’s the best way to transition (and usually the only way I’ve seen it done successfully).

      From 8-9pm everyday try out a side business. If you can’t swing it, it might not be for you.

      Reply
  4. Chris

    I have a hard time staying on task or nailing down one thing to completion. I end up with great ideas that rarely come to fruition because the ‘next big thing’ is just around a corner of my mind. I’m currently going through a Joe Vitale program that deals with the origins on my thoughts, feelings etc… I don’t want to win any prize Nez, I have a NevBox ;)

    Reply
    1. Neville

      UGHH. I go through this same thing too all the time Chris. You should solidly set HARD DATES for getting something done.

      Tell people about it.
      Post it on your blog.
      Post it on your facebook.
      Give a buddy $500 and tell him he gets to keep it if you don’t do (insert whatever here).

      Anything to help keep yourself accountable.

      Reply
  5. Grant

    I’m with Ramon. When project managers, myself included, say “I don’t have time” because we’re running around trying to put out fires, when we should have spent more time preparing, planning and anticipating!

    That said, I gotta go – blazing fire to put out!!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      GO PUT OUT THAT FIRE GRANT!

      And yes….it’s very easy to blame random things for your shortcomings. I’m working on this myself too (I think everyone is)!

      Reply
  6. Dan

    If only I could meet “the one” I wouldn’t feel lonely. But this is a fallacy. We live in a world with over 7 billion people. There is no reason any of us should ever feel lonely unless we are so scared of honestly baring ourselves to others that we self-impose isolation on our deepest desires, feelings, and passions.

    C.S. Lewis in his “Reflections on the Psalms” states that “I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation.”

    To continue in outward, impassioned expression of the deepest desires of our souls is to find enjoyment. And since enjoyment is contagious it will provide an attractive force on those surrounding us, thereby eliminating the perception of being alone. Finding “the one” has far less influence on our loneliness and satisfaction than the expression of our personal (albeit assumed unrelated) enjoyments.

    Reply
  7. Tyler

    Neville- You’re spot on with this.

    What’s my negative thinking downfall?

    This is hard to publicly admit but honestly it’s the negative thinking and fear of being successful. I know fear of success?

    I personally have been through a lot. I’m extremely positive, motivated and working on projects I’m very passionate about now. But I do have many negative thoughts and limiting beliefs of reaching my success goals. Questioning myself if I really have what it takes, etc.

    Working hard today to reverse that thinking.

    Tyler

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Yeah I’ve always found that one to be a bit odd, because I’ve always wanted to be successful.

      But over the years talking to so many people, I understand it:
      It’s a fear of FAILURE.

      Plain and simple the fear of getting successful means:
      “If I go so far up, what if I fall down? Everyone will laugh at me and think I’m a loser.”

      That’s a simplified way of saying, but you get the point.

      I think you should work more on drawing your strength from inside, than worrying as much what others perceive you as.

      You will get over the fear if you just start doing a bunch of small little things. Once you start doing a bunch of small projects, some fail and some don’t, you realize no one gives a shit!

      Reply
    1. Neville

      I get that one too Rick.

      Try reversing it to: “I’m not motivated or excited ENOUGH about this.”

      You should let a friend hold $500, and tell them “If I don’t do (insert whatever) by (this date) at (this time), you can keep this $500).

      Guarantee you’ll get off your ass then ;)

      Reply
  8. Joel

    One) I HATE that they make me do that task. I already have so much to do.

    Two) I should learn to communicate more effectively and wait before immediately responding yes or no and simply COMMUNICATE to them that I cannot do that task.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Interesting Joel.

      You know, I do this thing where if someone asks me for something (and I agree to do it), I always tell them, “Ok, I’ll have it for you tomorrow.” I NEVER put new things on my to-do list the same day.

      It’s liberating.
      Also it sets the expectation with people that you won’t do it for 24 hours, so they don’t bother hassling you till then.

      Reply
  9. Moa

    I’ll give you guys a solution for bitchin to deserve that damn book :)

    (I mean it’s to much for me to pay 97 bucks for a book in Serbia, and i must admit i’d like to own one):)

    Everyone should just buy kids pistol toy (but not use those painful pellets my brother used to shot me with :) ).
    It is important that you buy a toy that has that noisy trigger mechanism, so every time you get mad at something or have the need to make negative comments, just shoot it empty in the air…
    It helps to relieve stress and send negative thoughts to hell.
    I work from home, so when someone from work starts annoying me, I just shoot my toy gun and that is how I stay calm and easily solve all problems :)
    I think running 10 miles daily would do the same, but I’m too lazy for that. :)

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hahahha, that’s an interesting method :)

      I don’t know if it’ll work for everyone, but glad it works for you!

      Perhaps you should also work on learning WHAT makes you mad, and how to prevent that.

      For example, a lot of people get mad at their clients for calling them at odd hours of the day/night.

      Instead of just bottling this up, they need to make it DEAD CLEAR in the beginning that “office hours” are only from 2-4pm (or whenever). And that random interruptions ruin the workflow of the day and cost them money.

      They will never bother you in that case since they totally understand.

      Reply
  10. Big Steve

    Neville,

    You’re right on target with this. I’ve taken 100% ownership of the negative things in my life. It’s refreshing because it steals the other person’s ability to be angry at me.

    The one problem I have I don’t like the way people drive their cars when I’m on the road. I’ve had friends call me to see if I’m driving in traffic just so they could listen!

    Having talk to text is quite enlightening when it picks up what I’m saying.

    I believe I’ve narrowed it down to feeling very uncomfortable when I’m boxed in or not in control.

    I actually travel the world blowing shit up so I don’t have to get a “real job” and drive in rush hour…twice a day…for the rest of my life!

    Hope this helps!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      WOW! And I thought I had road rage! You got it (or had it) bad!

      If you ever go “blow shit up” in India, try driving over there. It’s MADDENING.

      The traffic, the people, the random cows in the road, the bad roads, the lack of respect of lane space (if there’s lanes at all).

      But somehow people over there just accept that it’s f’d up and go about their lives.

      I’ve started doing this too in traffic as I get older. I realize it has NEVER made any difference whatsoever to get mad at anyone, and in fact just makes the situation worse.

      So I just think, “Whatevs.” and go on with my life

      Reply
  11. Adam

    “There’s never anything good on Netflix.”

    There are a lot of ways to spend an hour or two besides watching Netflix. Who wants to scroll forever anyway?

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Well if you’re watching mindless TV, how about watching EDUCATIONAL TV instead??

      If you can hook your computer up to YouTube, watch Vice documentaries. They’re awesome. Or Ted Talks. Or listen to Star Talk Radio by Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

      Reply
  12. Esther

    Fitness is just not for me!!! ;-)

    recently have become aware of this negative thinking and completely reversed it by saying “fitness IS so me”.
    All in the head, all in the head…

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Felix Dennis (a rich-ass dude) said:
      “Youth is wasted on the young. Do you know what I would trade for my youth and health again? Everything I own, and everything I ever will own.”

      He would give it ALL away to be healthy and fit again.

      ….you have the opportunity right now, so don’t wait too long until it goes away Esther!

      Reply
  13. Cody

    Whenever someone asks me to do something (for example at work).

    Even if I’m not really busy, I find myself getting irritated and trying to show how busy I am. Invariably I end up feeling like an idiot, though…

    Reply
  14. Vic

    This is a post for me… I hate the holidays, and the need to visit every single family member alive. My parents are divorced, my grandparents too, and then there’s my boyfriend’s family, that includes cousins, great aunts, the husband of the great aunt’s kids, etc.
    So basically, 24 and 25 I run from house to house, trying to visit them all, so that they won’t feel bad, complaining complaining complaining, hating myself for not finding an alternative solution. And then it happens again on the 31st and 1st of January.
    Negative thinking kills me in December. Just yesterday my boyfriend and I had a looong argument about it. I know I ned to stop the negative thinking, but it’s harrrd.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Well that is quite a pain.

      There’s an easy way to solve this:
      Don’t go to anyone’s house.

      But will that make you feel better?

      Perhaps if you make it more a game like, “I’m the person in the city who’s gone to the MOST Christmas parties in two days!”

      Also just remember there’s a lot of people who would kill to be wanted & needed at so many different people’s houses for the holidays. How would THEY feel if all of a sudden they got invited to 5 Xmas parties instead of zero?

      Reply
  15. Fakey McFakeFake

    I find myself thinking this constantly of late, “If only I knew someone who could see my talents and recruit me…” which I know is 98% BS. That rather than figuring out ways and doing them to get my work recognized. You know, my work bought for a princely sum.

    I know the fallacy here and yet it still comes up for me probably every fruxen day. It’s as if there’s a mechanism in my brain that auto-feeds that message to me.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hello Fakey McFakeFake. I think I’ve met you in McFakeLand before!

      Why don’t you do this:
      Write down on a spreadsheet or piece of paper who gets paid a lot of money for the similar stuff you do. Then find out what they did to get there.

      Publish a book?
      Do a bunch of free work for big-time bloggers?
      Got an internship at a firm?
      Did free work for a big client like Dell for their resume?

      Find out what you’re lacking.

      You should try checking out Ramit Sethi’s stuff at http://Earn1k.com for pricing on your services.

      Reply
  16. Gregg

    I frequently say out load to myself: “Idiot”, mostly while working and when I make a mistake. Probably not the best thing to do for confidence. I should chastise myself every time I do this from now on…oh wait, that would defeat the point wouldn’t it. Ok, I’ll just try and be aware of it and stop. I’m not actually an idiot, people make mistakes.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      You can express “aww shucks” kind of stuff, that’s ok. Just say:
      “Awwwwww shhhugarcups”
      ..or something stupid like that to keep the mood around it light.

      Everyone makes (A LOT) of mistakes, so it’s not just you. The efficient person fucks up, then moves on quickly. The lazy person fucks up and quits.

      Reply
  17. Ken

    Day 1
    “Man, I really gotta do X”
    “I’ll do X first thing in the morning”
    (feel good about the decision all day)
    Day 2
    “Crap, I didn’t do X”
    I’ll do it in the morning”
    (feels good about decision part of the day)
    Repeat… etc. etc. etc.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      LOL!!! That might be the best way I’ve heard it explained!

      You should let a friend hold $500, and tell them “If I don’t do (insert whatever) by (this date) at (this time), you can keep this $500).

      You’ll sure as hell do that thing first thing in the morning then!!

      Reply
  18. Ben Davidson

    Ugh. Accountability sucks. I usually blame my inability/unwillingness to do things on “not enough time”. I can be a top performer and get tons of shit done, but I don’t. In college I was a productivity machine, then sort of slacked off and haven’t recovered.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hey Ben, it’s probably because you no longer have hard deadlines.

      In college they say “April 12th you have a big-ass test in Chemistry.”

      SO by April 12th you’re prepared. Whether you prepared months in advance, or the all-nighter before, you STILL PREPARED BECAUSE THERE WAS A HARD DEADLINE.

      You should let a friend hold $500, and tell them “If I don’t do (insert whatever) by (this date) at (this time), you can keep this $500). You’ll be productive then ;)

      Reply
  19. Jon

    My attitude. “He/she makes me so mad!”

    It’s been almost a decade now, but when I read “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” the thing that stuck with me was a part that talked about the space between re and action. However small it may be, we choose how to react to situations. If Victor Frankl can have a positive attitude in a Nazi prison camp, I can figure out how in my posh life. You control your thoughts which control everything else. 99.9% of the time you are the one holding you back.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Usually when someone makes you mad, it’s a reflection of something about YOURSELF.

      Now obviously sometimes people just piss us off for whatever reason, but it’s good to see WHY.

      After hearing the stories of hundreds of people over the years, I realize EVERYONE is just trying the best they can, from the situation they were raised in.

      So sometimes people do dumbass things (in my view), but I have no idea what’s happening in their life. So I let them do they’re thing, and I do mine.

      It seems you’re already aware of this problem, so hopefully you’re closer to fixing it!

      Reply
  20. Chris

    I often complain about how I hate people who complain. My co-worker and I complain about our other complaining co-worker! Ooooh the irony :)

    Reply
    1. Yazin

      I hate how we all complain about the weather here in England.

      But Yazin, can YOU control the weather?
      No.

      But can you fly your ass out and go someplace else?
      Hell yeah

      Reply
      1. Neville

        This is true.

        Sometimes the weather is an easy and light conversation piece. But yes, it’s relatively easy for people to pack up and leave if it’s so atrocious to them.

        Reply
  21. Yaron

    - “I’ll just do Y before I sit down and do X”
    – It’s a bit chilly so I’ll go put on my coat
    – My chair is uncomfortable I should replace it
    – Can’t work on an empty stomach, better eat first

    None of these things is stopping me from doing the work I want to do, I am stopping me from doing the work I want to do
    – The work is challenging
    – It requires me to be creative
    – It is within my ability to do it

    – but what if I fail?
    – What if it isn’t easy?
    – What if I am wrong?
    Oh no, now I don’t know what to do, and I have no idea what happens now, I need to improvise AHHHHHHHHHH

    The worst case scenario isn’t actually failing to do X.
    There is something much much worse then not doing X.
    PANICKING
    The worst case scenario is panicking and not doing anything, any letter of the alphabet.

    Fuck THAT
    only the problem remains, what now?

    SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, START WITH ONE KEYSTROKE.
    BET IT WRONG
    FAIL MISERABLY
    BE A TOTAL LOSER…

    …who did more then the little voice in your head that says all those words

    PS

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Wow, this is probably what goes through A LOT of people’s heads each time something comes up.

      I know it happens with me too:
      “I’ll sit down and do this, but I gotta eat first!”
      “Oh wait, now I’m too full and tired, I’ll take a nap first…”
      …and so forth.

      Reply
  22. Hubert Sawyers III

    There have been times where I have blamed my wife for my stagnant behavior. Instead of owning my failure to get stuff done, I’ll blame her need for me to do random chores around the house. Even if what she wants me to do is problematic, I should be proactive in letting her know what I need to get done.

    Fortunately, I’m fixing it. I get up early in the morning to write. I review what I did and didn’t do every evening. It feels less like I have someone or something to blame and more like I’m the guy I always know I can be.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Whoa that’s deep.

      Usually if we take frustrations out on a person, it generally reflects back to US in some way.

      I’m not sure WHAT chores she has you doing, but if you’re working a solid 8-12 hours a day, there’s NOOTTHINGG that should be stopping you from getting at least 4 solid hours of work done.

      From the outside, it seems you’re personally self conscious about your failings, and you’re taking them out on your wife.

      I think perhaps a good way to do this is buy her flowers, sit her down for 2 minutes, and tell you’re sorry you’ve exploded at her for stuff that wasn’t her fault. You’re more than happy to take on responsibility around the house, and that you’d also like to tell her what YOU expect from YOURSELF to get done business-wise.

      For example, tell her, “Baby, I’m working on this article but I’m struggling because I don’t have someone to keep me accountable. By the time you get home at 6pm today, could you make ABSOLUTELY sure I’ve finished, or I don’t eat dinner?”

      Some hard consequence like that.

      Good observation about yourself though Hubert, it’s hard to admit this stuff…..but it’s what makes you grow.

      Reply
  23. Rowan Hand

    Usually it is blaming someone else for distracting me when I’ve allowed myself to be distracted in the first place.

    Then it is setting appropriate boundaries so those closest to me don’t have the temptation to distract me.

    Third, I blame clients for not paying so that I can’t pay the designer or whatever other nonsense I’ve come up with to justify being lazy about my current project.

    The list goes on, but it’s all the same. I am fixing it by just doing the things I hate most first!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Good job Rowan!

      I’d say NEVERRRR EEVVEEERRR stiff people on they’re payments. IT’S NOT FAIR, and you don’t know what’s going on in their life. They may dearly need that money.

      Don’t EVER stoop to that level.

      You need to be abso-fucking-lootly clear with your clients they agreed to pay by this time, and it’s payment time.

      If you keep letting them run you over, they won’t even know it’s a problem.

      “Before we go any further, you guys are 2 weeks past the payment date. Who do we talk to right now, to get this resolved right now?”

      Reply
  24. Eric Sabourin

    My biggest negative thinking:

    “I hate how cheap people can be when it comes to my photography and they don’t see the value in my work, my talent and my skill level.”

    Althought I do know that I’m totally the one responsable for it! Something I have to work on!

    A work in progress,
    Eric S.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      A lot of photographers think like that.

      They also can spot such minute differences in photos (like a slight white imbalance) that others can’t, that they think they’re photography is SOOOO much better.

      To the average eye, 80% of photographers are roughly the damn same. Photogs hate hearing that, but to the average person who’s fine with an iPhone photo, it’s true.

      You have to be specialized or HIGHLY RECOMMENDED in a highly profitable field, or do something unique, to get paid more. Same old photography jobs as everyone won’t cut it.

      Go to high end restaurants and take pics of the food.
      Learn how to shoot & film an Indian wedding (10k to 15k each)
      I used to photograph and film light up products for the manufacturers, and make 1k+ per shoot which I did on a Canon Elf.

      Reply
  25. Dave

    Negative thinking pattern: “I can’t start my own business/side hustle.”

    I blame outside forces for this, such as saying that companies don’t want to hire an unexperienced copywriter for freelancing.

    I also find myself thinking that people who have started successful companies have some advantage, something special that I don’t, and that good ideas are impossible to come by.

    I know it’s all B.S., but having trouble stopping this pattern. Thanks man, love this post!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Watch interviews with the founders of companies, they all sucked when they were getting started. They just kept doing things and doing things till they succeeded in a few of those things.

      If you never start, you CERTAINLY won’t get things done!

      You should hang around others who have started businesses. I used to crash parties back in college all the time just for the opportunity to be one-on-one with rich people at parties.
      http://www.nevblog.com/how-to-crash-a-party/

      Unless you’re REALLY hustling it up, don’t expect great results in the future. Start doing ANY small side business.

      My first gig was selling burned CD’s. Then a family friend paid me $100 to make a website. Then over the years it built into something bigger and bigger

      Reply
  26. Wayne Kille

    Haha! I heard someone make some comment about it being Monday earlier today, walking past me, and the guy he was talking to agreed. I’ve heard many people making little complaints about it being Monday all day. It’s like everybody’s ‘go-to conversation filler’ for this time of the week. It struck me as funny today even before I read your email.

    I think that from reading relentless emails from you, Craig Ballantyne, Jason Leister, Leo Barbauta and books by Tim Ferriss, Robert Kiyosaki, Napolean Hill, Dale Carnegie, Richard Branson and watching videos with Chief Sumo, listening to Earl Nightingale, etc, etc, that my mindset is primed for success. I have a cast iron positive mindset!!!

    HOWEVER, in terms of finding a girlfriend… :’-( I’ve been single for a year now and my negative self-talk on this subject includes: I have no time, I haven’t got enough spare income, I need to bulk up, I need to buy some new clothes, etc etc etc It’s all BS self talk that I need to think my way round and out of. Waaah! In fact, Neville, you’ve already gifted me the answer to this (and maybe everything in my whole life), in an email last week……. “SHOW SOME FUCKING PASSION” – that’s all I need to do ;-) Cheers buddy

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Nice Wayne!

      I see two things here:

      1.) You’re on your way to becoming successful in a lot of areas of life if you keep working at it.

      2.) Being single for ONE year? Who gives a shit??

      That’s not a long time for a young guy. I heard a wise quote once:

      Focus on what you’re passionate about, and the women will follow.

      I think if you start becoming that awesome guy who takes care of himself physically, financially, mentally…..then women will naturally want you.

      Just like you want a woman that does the same, SHE wants something similar.

      Focus on yourself, and don’t base all your happiness on a relationship.
      There’s three people in a relationship:
      -You
      -Her
      -Both of you

      Focus on you for now.

      At the same, make sure you’re putting yourself out there. Go to events where your “girlfriend” will be. Dress sharp, workout, kick ass in your career. SHOW SOME FUCKING PASSION ABOUT IT.

      And next time someone says, “Ahhh it’s freaking Monday again….”
      Reply: I know, I’m excited! Big week ahead!

      Reply
  27. James Humphrey

    I’m typically good at catching my negative thoughts and changing them back to positive but…lately I have been bitching about not having time for my business (validating it etc)

    I have the time I just say I don’t and fill it with mindless job work. I mean do I really need to re-organize my email folders for quotes? I do but I don’t want to I want to run a muse and travel.

    So silly when we get stuck in our heads….this email was exactly what I needed today. I just need to shut up and do the damn thing.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Look at the totem pole of things that will help your business.

      Will organizing your quotes help get money? NO.
      Will building a slightly better website help get you consulting clients? Probably not.

      So go focus on the important stuff. TREAT IT LIKE A REAL FUCKING BUSINESS NOT A MUSE.

      A real business turns INTO a muse once you’ve put the work in….NOT right away!!

      Reply
  28. Yazin

    I hate how we all complain about the weather here in England.
    But Yazin, can YOU control the weather?
    No.
    But can you fly your ass out and go someplace else?
    Hell yeah

    Reply
    1. Neville

      This is true.
      Sometimes the weather is an easy and light conversation piece. But yes, it’s relatively easy for people to pack up and leave if it’s so atrocious to them.

      Reply
  29. Fred

    When doing sales, days of the week always makes a good way of building rapport with the other person..

    As you mentioned Mondays are dreaded by most anyone, and that could be used to your advantage all the time..

    Sometimes saying that you love Mondays will only get you kicked out the fastest! Hopefully your audience is the exception and you can afford to do so..

    Reply
    1. Neville

      I agree….to an extent.

      Having quick elevator conversation about “It’s rainy…” or “it’s monday again…” is not the worst thing in the world.

      I’m talking about people who gripe about Monday. It means they’re not engaged in what they do. A large portion of the working population is NOT….so this kind of talk almost seems normal.

      Reply
  30. Tania

    I don’t usually blame others. My negativity pretty much revolves around myself and the things that I “should” or “could” be doing better. My negativity is based in the perfectionism that I expect from me, but rarely produce.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hmmmm, then it’s JUST as harmful.

      It’s ok to think you did a so-so job, but it’s NOT ok to not let it get done on time.

      Everytime I release something I’m afraid it’s not good enough. It’s just part of it.

      Understand that, and MOVE ON.

      You should let a friend hold $500, and tell them “If I don’t do (insert whatever) by (this date) at (this time), you can keep this $500).
      Guarantee you’ll get off your ass then ;)

      Reply
  31. Felipe

    I sometimes get my negative attitude, based on not trying first before blaming it. Like blame others, such government, or market conditions, etc. for not even try that idea, validade it and make possibly viable to implementing it!

    The true is that it must experience it first, work some time on it, find its ways to accomplish this and then take its conclusions! And this need a mindset shift, because it depends on me first of all!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Yea, those reasons are all cop-outs.

      In ANY economic condition there’s opportunity.

      Just remember, even in the Great Depression there were still tons of rich people being made everyday.

      Try this one thing:
      PUTTING ONE THING OUT THERE PER MONTH. Work on something, release it. Then work on it again.

      Reply
    1. Neville

      That’s how it is for every generation.

      You can go to a remote part of some random country, become a farmer and sustain yourself. OR if you want to live the cushy-ass Western life with all of it’s advances and conveniences, then get over it and evolve.

      Not enough time means “I haven’t prioritized things enough” or “I waste too much time watching TV” or “I simply don’t want this enough to work my ass off for it.”

      Reply
  32. Beth

    I used to say all the time, to anyone who would listen, “I can’t cook.” I repeated it so often I really believed it.

    The truth is I could cook, but I didn’t enjoy it because I wasn’t planning very well. I was a vegetarian who ate pizza and ice cream. Real healthy!

    When I started eating meat again I had to re-learn how to cook. Flavors were different. I zipped my lip and started listening, watching, experimenting. I learned how to do simple things quickly that would have been complicated to my previous self.

    I pulled off an impromptu dinner for 8 with ingredients on-hand and everybody raving about the shrimp tacos and carnitas, salad with homemade vinagrette. Even picky 4-year-olds declaring that carnitas is now their favorite food!

    What I learned was not so much how to quit burning food, but how to organize, plan and shop so I have everything ready-to-go when I need it. Buying a box of food to heat up in the microwave cuts out so much of the process. What I was missing was the hunting and gathering portion of chefing around in the kitchen. I had been approaching it from the pov of a spectator at a symphony (wow! a concerto, how complicated!) and not from fresh eyes of a kid (twinkle twinkle little star…).

    This stuff IS simple if we’d only get out of our own way!

    — B

    Reply
    1. Neville

      AWESOME BETH!!!

      I used to say “I can’t cook” too. What I was MEANING to actually say was: “I haven’t bothered to TRY cooking.”

      My mom’s a GREAT cook, and can make something amazing out of nothing. But she’s also prepared like 10,000+ meals in her lifetime. So naturally she’ll be damn good.

      I on the other hand attempted to cook maybe ONCE, and it wasn’t even that bad.

      Now I’ve been doing it more and more, and it’s really about just following a simple recipe.

      As I get better, I’m sure I’ll learn to improvise, and learn from what tastes good and what doesn’t.

      I used to put SO many different types of condiments into the pan when cooking it’d always coming out tasting funky.

      Until I learned just randomly spraying ketchup, mustard, soy sauce, parmasean and other random crap won’t make it taste good.

      From there I learned, and no longer do that.

      Now I can actually cook 4 or 5 decent meals.

      Great post Beth!!

      Reply
  33. Kurtis

    I constantly blame outside forces for being overweight. “Oh it’s thanksgiving so I’ll eat a TON”, or “I’m so stressed, I’ll just eat this box of donuts”, “it’s too early, and I’m tired so I’m just gonna sleep instead of workout” … All of these things are TOTALLY my fault, and I make 20 excuses within my own mind to convince myself to continue to eat and to not work out. Bah!

    Reply
  34. Paul Gatts

    Like a lot of other commenters here, I’ve been blaming the external forces of a planet that is spinning around on its axis too fast. I just published my first ebook a couple months ago, and have been somewhat stalled out on my second one. Certainly other things are competing for my time (a big project review at work, followed by a reorg, going to trial with my ex, and running a house and raising four kids on my own) but the fact remains that writing ought to be a part of my daily routine no matter what. I simply need to get out of bed early and tap on those keys, even when I feel too tired to do so.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Yikes, it seems you legitimately have a helluva a lot to think about.
      Nevertheless, I think if you wrote for just 20 minutes per morning, you could bang out something seriously good in no time.

      Perhaps set a HARD SCHEDULE (like 6:30 to 6:50am) to write?

      Reply
  35. Negative Nancy

    This is my classic weekly gripe:

    1) I hate Oregon drivers that do 50mph in the left hand lane and never move over!

    2) I hate the salad bar croutons that always break my forks!

    3) I hate my student loans and tuition reimbursement that stop me from getting a job I actually like.

    This is my reality:

    1) I am an impatient driver. They are probably enjoying how beautiful this state is.

    2) This one is hard to argue with, but I should just get a real fork or workout less often :)

    3) I made all of the past decisions that led to my present. The only way I can change my future is to make a decision today to work towards a future I will enjoy. It is all on me.

    Reply
    1. Yazin

      +1

      This is my favorite so far :)

      Though, I’m pretty sure the other drivers can admire how beautiful the state is parked on the side of the road even more ;)

      Reply
    2. Neville

      Yea, certain things do suck (Damn slow drivers……)

      But I getchya. I’m an impatient driver at times. And honestly driving faster doesn’t always get you there quicker anyway unless you’re doing a LONG highway drive.

      2.) Bring chopsticks! I eat everything with chopsticks, have been for years. Easy cleanup, little waste, fun!

      3.) YOU’RE RIGHT. It’s the attitude about how you look at these things.

      And quite honestly, all of these things are super first-world problems! In the scope of things, you’ve got it pretty damn good.

      Focus on getting huffed up about things you CAN change.

      Reply
  36. Peter

    Once you realize that blaming externals is futile, you know you must overcome the blocks in your life by changing your mindset and working on your self discipline.

    Each day I walk/jog on my treadmill for 35 minutes while watching youtube to clear my mind. (Like Gary Halbert said”Movement not meditation” “Roadwork”)

    When I’m done and totally relaxed. I read through my goals and intentions. Then I rewrite and refine my daily To Do list.

    Finally I eat something healthy like oatmeal with stevia, eggs fried in olive oil, and large glass of water.

    It took a while to get this ritual down but it has improved my life a lot. (Huge positive net worth. Still married after 12 years.)

    Reply
    1. Neville

      I like your routine Peter!

      I prefer stuff like that to meditation. I like my mind being active and playful like when I watch interesting stuff on YouTube.

      Also when I eat healthy, its insane how much energy I’ll have with zero caffeine. I’ve been healthier lately, and loving it!

      Reply
  37. Christopher Mark

    I blame the economy (really bad here) for why I struggle with bringing in money from clients (and getting new clients who can pay).

    Almost all my clients are struggling to bring in money and pay me for work. And now I’m stuck because if I don’t finish their work, they’ll go under and I will NEVER get paid.

    1) But I’m responsible because of how I structured getting paid by my clients.

    2) I need to change how my clients pay me to protect myself (done).

    3) I need to, in the future, protect myself against black swans like this (maybe investing in something that is counter-cyclical to my industry?).

    4) I need to start prioritizing finding business outside of my usual way. Whether that’s diversifying the company or targeting a whole different client set, I need to figure this out. Very difficult, but doable (and necessary).

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hey Christopher, it looks like you’re only going for struggling clients.

      Is there perhaps some place you can get the hell out of that world??

      You want clients who can actually make money off your service….OR you need to start getting paid upfront.

      Think of this as YOUR fault, not theirs. And it will clear up faster. What are YOU doing wrong here?

      Reply
  38. Patrick

    I’ve come a long way since my early days, but I still find myself subject to the blame game:

    1) Blaming the system when something doesn’t go MY way (instead of thinking about what I can control and how to make the situation better).

    2) Blaming others for disappointing ME (another realization that I’m not only being selfish for focusing on me, but also that I’m not solving the issues I can control)

    3) Blaming time (its my fault for not kicking my own ass to accomplish things)

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Hey Patrick, at least you’re being honest here!

      1.) If you know “the system” well….and that it doesn’t work well sometimes, you can exploit it to work well for you.

      2.) NEVER let other be responsible for your happiness. Easier said than done, but worth remembering at all times. If they keep disappointing you and dragging you down, get rid of them from your life. But first see if it’s YOU causing something.

      Reply
  39. Kendra Kinnison

    I tell myself that it’s okay to eat poorly if I’m stressed, that I can only be disciplined on a certain number of fronts. In reality, it’s a weak excuse to not plan my meals ahead.

    Reply
  40. HENRY

    My biggest negative habit is that obsess over things that I can’t control. It sometimes gets so bad that it paralyzes me from thinking and even kills my appetite if it’s something very serious. In reality I know that there is no use over obsessing but i can’t help it.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Then stop.

      Understand worrying is like being hungry, it’s just a chemical reaction in your head to make you prepared for the future.

      Worry is good, but not when it destroys action.

      Get around other people who want to do similar things as you. Watch this:
      http://youtu.be/xvIZjGEBvI8

      Reply
  41. Greg

    Did you ever have a situation where a friend invited other friends of yours to a party/ get together/ bar/ dinner but not you?

    I HAVE

    and my first instinct is say ” what a jerk; how selfish and inconsiderate.. not inviting ME but inviting some of my friends!”

    You then start thinking about all the bad things your friend does and start attacking his character… ” he doesn’t invite me because he just drinks too much or hes just wants to talk about golf all night long what a loser”

    but then…..

    I realize… holy cow! instead of blaming MY FRIEND I should be asking
    ” well why wouldnt he want to hang out with me”

    – Im not fun to be around
    – I always complain about how loud the bar is
    – I dont make funny jokes or make the overall night enjoyable
    – I take my personal problems out on others and bring everyone down

    Well no wonder he stops inviting me out.. If I was an awesome person to be around– Id get more invites…

    so… I should start working on myself and stop blaming others for not wanting to spend time with me

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Holy crap Greg, very insightful!

      I know a few (but only a few) people who think like that. I stop hanging out with downers who think like that usually.

      So yes, you’re right….why should someone go OUT OF THEIR WAY to invite someone who is a buzzkill/burden.

      And honestly if you don’t like the bars, and you let everyone know that by complaining, then maybe your friend figures “Oh well Greg doesn’t even like the bars, so why invite him.”

      It’s showing more about YOUR character than HIS.

      Perhaps send your friend a bottle of alcohol and apologize for something you’ve done, or just to say thanks for being a friend.

      Or better yet, throw a party yourself or small get together, that’s a good way to kick off the fact you want to be social with other people!

      Reply
  42. Steve

    I blame my family for not keeping the livingroom clean so I can workout. There isn’t enough room and I need the T.V. to watch the videos.

    (This sounds even more lame after writing it.)

    If I got into better shape I would have more energy to generate the traffic I need for my sites, in order to get to my $30 a day goal.

    Keep the room clean so I can work from home.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Yea, total cop out! Glad you started seeing it from just writing it down.

      Living room not clean? FUCK IT. It either clean it, go outside, or just do your damn workout anyways with all the stuff laying around.

      NO MORE COP OUTS!

      Reply
  43. Carlo

    I hate how much this show sucks me in and how when I start watching it I end up in a 10 hour non stop marathon… I guess I hate Netflix as well for having entire seasons of this show available at once ;)

    Reply
    1. Neville

      I’ve done this a million times, but it’s also a cop out. Blame the SHOW! Yea…..it’s SUPPOSED to be addicting, that’s the point!!

      Just don’t watch, or set a solid time to stop no matter what.

      It’s why I refuse to watch many shows. It’s not that I don’t like them….They get addicting and time wasting.

      Reply
  44. David Harris

    You’re right Nev” we have no one else to blame but ourselves. My job currently requires 91/2 to 11 or maybe even 12 hours a day and I constantly complain about the hours.The problem I have is i really don’t seriously try to change my habits to actually change my situation. I have a website I started to but always seem to have to do other things rather than dedicating myself to a new way to make money. Maybe I’m just comfortable!

    Reply
    1. Neville

      You are comfortable.

      If they fired you and took away all your money and you had to pay rent in 30 days….you’d probably get your ass into hustle mode REAL QUICK! Right now you don’t HAVE to or WANT to, at least not badly

      Reply
  45. Mon

    One negative pattern that I have is constantly believing that I am not good enough. Having this sense of feeling like all I have to offer to the world is crap-shoot because I don’t feel like I am of any value to others. So I end up determining my happiness, validating my ideas, and really deciding the direction of my life based on how others around me feel. I just see myself as a short hairy nerdy brown college kid.

    The remedy to becoming more positive about my self image. Trying to train myself to see the positives in each day rather than focusing entirely on how everything in the day went wrong.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Fuck seeing the positives and all that….

      Why not do stuff YOU think is fun??

      I’m curious as hell about stuff, so I do things which I think would be cool:
      The Homeless Experiment, NevBlog, AppSumo, copywriting, 3D printing, business stuff….

      GET MORE CURIOUS ABOUT LIFE MON!!!

      Reply
  46. Michael

    I am a critical, grumpy jerk when I get up in the morning. I find all kinds of reasons to “explain” my bad attitude, but they’re all just excuses, really. It’s starting to affect my relationship with my partner, too, because he’s really sick of dealing with how crabby I am for the first hour of my day. He tries to be super nice and helpful, but I always find something to complain about. The funny thing is, I think that HE complains too much the rest of the day, so maybe that’s extra unfair of me. It’s time for me to take some responsibility, no?

    Reply
    1. Neville

      You sound like NOT a morning person.

      Perhaps it’s: The way you’re eating.

      When I eat super healthy for 2 days (mainly raw stuff and just a little heavier food), I wake up and feel fantastic and positive.

      Tell your partner everytime you say something negative, you give him a $1 bill. You’ll quickly stop :)

      Reply
  47. Wyatt

    I hate having partners they never get any of their important tasks done…

    When in reality, they are getting just as much done as I am. There is just always more work that needs done than time in the day.

    Reply
  48. Meg

    1. I hate how messy my fixer-upper house looks! Sure, some of it is from unfinished home improvement projects we can’t afford yet but a lot is also from getting behind on cleaning and maintenance chores that require time and elbow grease rather than money.

    2. I’m always late now that I have kids! Sometimes the baby or preschooler have needs that must be met right when it’s time for us to go out the door but most of the time we could be on time if hubby and I planner ahead better the night before or got up earlier to accommodate the fact that it takes longer to get out the door with young kids.

    -Meg

    Reply
    1. Neville

      1.) Ok, then make a list of what needs to be done, and get ONE thing done per weekend. Agree with your partner/kids that you will be doing this. Make it fun!

      2.) That’s just life. If you’re going to be late, send a text or call the host and tell them, “Hey sorry, but we’ll be 45 minutes late.” A big part of the guilt is not letting them know ahead of time.

      Reply
  49. Matthew

    I’ve definitely been guilty of this one but this week I’m actually making a decision to change it!

    While I am sitting at the office of my less than ideal job bright and early Monday morning, I made a deal over the weekend for a consulting job in a fascinating industry. I can’t say much about one client but his last name rhymes with tusk. Very excited!

    Moral of the story: if you’re in a bad situation, do something to make it better.

    Reply
  50. Nicole

    After reading such books as “The Slight Edge”, “Three Simple Steps” and “The Moneyless Man”, my negativity and complaining habits came to almost a complete halt. One thing that I complain about is time…even when I know damn well it’s my own fault for getting distracted, procrastinating and putting things off that would be much more fulfilling if completed in a timely matter.

    Something that I am working on for sure – I am a huge believer in “to-do” lists!

    Reply
  51. Greg

    Traffic. I live in Chicago and constantly complain about the traffic, how shitty the people up here drive, etc. But I rarely do anything to change altering my commute times, or looking for a job where I would not have to drive. Currently interviewing for a position that would allow me to easily travel by Subway, but for now… brake lights.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Ugh….traffic is soul-sucking.

      If you can’t change your job immediately, at least LEARN during that free time!

      Get the NPR app and connect it to your car, listen to whatever stories interest you. Listen to podcasts. Listen to Howard Stern celebrity interviews over YouTube.

      Download episodes from Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s podcast call “Star Talk Radio”

      Those always make my commutes much better (though thankfully I don’t have to drive anywhere)!!

      Reply
  52. Derek Wyatt

    I find myself being that person who just agrees with everyone’s shitty attitude, enabling them to keep up the poor outlook on life.

    Perhaps it’s easier than trying to sway them away from the dark side.

    After a while, I find it’s contagious and I begin to bitch about things that are none of my business. Such as…

    I get fired up every time I see shitty marketing. So much in fact that I wanted to start a website highlighting bad marketing. My main beef is mostly with out of work car salesman who find themselves good a Twitter and then dub themselves as marketing experts… and all they know how to do is tweet.

    See… there I go again.

    I should just keep my nose down in my work and earn the business that they are by providing better quality work.

    Reply
    1. Neville

      Well Derek, thanks for being honest.

      And if those guys are making a living “just Tweeting”,….then perhaps there’s something there!

      Maybe A LOT of people don’t know a goddamn thing about how to exploit social media, so these guys help them.

      Instead of dogging them, see what they’re doing right, and how they’re filling a need.

      And if you’re so good, you can easily take their business or get bigger/better clients.

      Reply
  53. Daniel @ TKOM

    Impatience. Emotion

    I lose it on my modern-day citizens (customer reps, cashiers, taxi drivers, waiters, sales rep) when they take longer than what I personally believe.

    As a dude who expects nothing but the best when I’m out in the zone, I expect the same.

    But life isn’t like that. People are slow. They take time. So instead of saying “I hate slow-ass people”, I gotta remind myself that as awesome as I am I gotta relax and tell myself that I need to work on being more patient and understanding of people.

    DWOLF,

    KTOM

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      Whoa man, be careful of who you go off on…..

      It’s a HIGHLY unattractive quality to berate people in a service position unless there’s something they REALLY did wrong.

      It’s not really your job to go off on them. And if you do, make sure it’s gentle and supportive, you don’t know what other people have going on in your life.

      This is a habit you need to change

      Reply
  54. Anonymous

    “I’m not good enough.”

    And then I quit.

    It’s true though (I have to put in the hours, and practice if I want to be good at anything).

    This shift in thinking… (that it’s ok to not be good enough, but it is temporary) has given me a new found confidence to never quit anything ever again.

    It’s pretty awesome! :)

    ps. I already won a nevbox and a bunch of other stuff so please pass on the winnings to someone else! Thanks! :D

    Reply
  55. Sukhneet Singh

    Bad habit is complaining about not having enough time to write. When it’s time to write, I make excuses like saying I need to invest the time to write good articles.

    Solution: My shit’s going to suck, and I gotta dig to get the the best work. So I better dig (write and publish) faster and more every day to get to the gold.

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      GOOD JOB MAN!!

      At least you recognize it.

      You wouldn’t believe how much I actually write vs what I actually release.

      Sometimes I write a TOTALLY different email/post than I originally started because once you start writing, all of a sudden even more ideas start to flow!

      Reply
  56. Mike

    My “bad habit” is that I’m excessively apathetic. I deem things not to be worth my time on a regular basis whereas I’d probably be happier and be bored less if I acutally cared about things more often. For some reason I choose not to focus on things that I can change because they require an effort beyond minimal – I am fully aware of this bad habit, but I’m just not sure I really care about it enough to fix it.

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      Perhaps there’s something deeper at play?

      1.) You OBVIOUSLY care.

      2.) You act apathetic as a way of not failing.

      3.) Since you “don’t care”…you can never fail in the eyes of others.

      I think you have a deep rooted fear of failure. If you were to act super excited about something, you might fail and get mocked (this is what might be subconsciously going on).

      Reply
  57. Nick

    I was the guy that would roll up to the club and complain about the lack of hot chicks.

    I’d huddle around my other non-approaching friends off to the side and whip out my iPhone to check Facebook 10,000 times in a row while everyone else was having fun.

    In reality, there were babes galore. I was making excuses.

    Once I overcame this mentality, I stopped bringing my phone out with me and would force myself to be social.

    Although now I carry a pen and paper just in case I run into that special someone ;)

    Reply
  58. jak

    I always blame pple for my current financial status. believing its them but never me. i believe they are not helpin enough or ppl generally dont kinda like me when it comes to money and other relevant issues concerning my personal progress.

    the truth is im not pushing enough. i dont do things when they needed to be done right and there and then.i fantasise way lot more than i actually do.

    now, that’s any area i’ve to struggle with to make it. i know.

    Reply
  59. Brad

    “Ugh…staying on top of my diet and exercise routine is hard. I’m so tired after work. I just don’t have the time or energy.”

    Look, buddy.

    It’s not that hard — it just takes a little planning and dedication. Do you want to be like everyone else…or do you want to be part of that 1% you’re always talking about?

    Health and diet are the keys to a successful life, so climb on and ride that fucking horse.

    Reply
    1. Neville Post author

      A million people have this “I DON’T HAVVEEE AAN IDDEAAAA” complaint.

      They forget that every big business started super small. Start doing some small consulting on the side, or trying to sell some small items on the net, or help someone build a web page, or help someone with their marketing. That’s how businesses start and then evolve.

      Reply
      1. Jenny

        Thanks for the response Neville.

        I agree. I also find that my natural response is to generate MORE excuses each time I address a previous excuse. “I’m still a college student, I have no money, I’m too busy with school work…” etc.

        But, I’m going to change this–I’m going to start selling some small items on my college campus, and see where it takes me. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes.

        Reply

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