why can’t I party as much on a friday as I get older?

It’s FRIDAY!!  In college that used to mean soon as it became dark outside I would get jitters to go out.  I literally had to go out on the weekends.  Hanging with friends, frat parties, clubbing, bowling, art gallery opening, picnics, meteor watching parties, house party…..I ALWAYS had to do something on the weekends, I literally could not stay home or I’d get jittery.  

This was probably a remnant of my childhood since my parents were very socially active.  I remember through elementary school, middle school, and high school, it was pretty much the norm to attend at least 2-3 parties over the weekend plus other activities.

Friends at school would tell me their family just, “stayed at home and got a movie from Blockbuster and ordered a pizza.”  This was LAME I thought, since that was never a normal thing for my active family.

Even after college I kept that pace up…..actually I increased it.
Remove the classes + add some income = party time!

Now all this partying wasn’t just drinking and crazy stuff.  A lot of times it was cool events and social clubs and entrepreneur clubs and tech meetups, but it was still an active social life.

However, now that I’m 30 (almost 31), it’s slowed down a bit.

People always say “As I get older I can’t drink as much” or “As I get older I can’t go out as much.”

…..I understand that, but I don’t think it’s fully a function of age.

For the drinking part, physiologically you CAN drink as much when you’re older, but the increased fat, decreased muscle mass, age-related problems, medications, and decreased frequency of drinking (aka lower tolerance) causes this for the most part.

For the going out part, I agree some of it is a decreased stamina issue as you age, but I think a whooollee lot of it is a DESIRE issue.

Let me nerdily calculate this out for you:

Let’s assume I entered college at age 18.  I was in college for 5 years (slow track for me).
How many times do you think I went out?

45 weeks a year I did at least two events (extremely lowball figure) = 90 x 5 years =
450 times.  
After college from age 23 till 26 I went out 5 days a week probably 45 weeks of the year.  45 x 5 x 4 =
900 times.

From age 26-30 went out maybe
400 times.  

…..ok, enough fuzzy math (and notice I was only account for 45 weeks a year not 52….I assume all those numbers are WAY more especially during the crazy holiday times.

THE POINT OF THIS IS:

By the time someone with a reasonably active social life is 30, they’ve been “out” over 2,000 times!

 

That number kinda blows your mind right??

When I was 23 if someone said, “Hey let’s randomly go out to 6th St!” (austin’s party area) I was sooooo down.

But at age 30 if someone said, “Hey it’s Tuesday let’s randomly go out to 6th St and get drunk” I would probably say ::in nerdy excited voice:: “No thanks I’m gonna sit at home and get some work done then read, then blog, then play with my 3D printer.”

That’s not always true, but it happens more and more frequently as I get older.

But it’s NOT a function of age, it’s a function of experience.  

Those two things just happen to correlate to each other.

To prove this….see if you know someone who missed out on much of their youthful freedom.  Maybe they got married crazily early then got a divorce when older, or always lived at home with strict parents, or had to provide for their family and never got to play.

When these people get older then all of a sudden come into freedom, they start going out with the youthful exuberance of a 21 year old, even though they’re weirdly old to be acting like that.  But eventually they get over it….like after going out 2,000 times :-P

Anyhow, there was no real point to this email other than to present an alternative view of this.
So if you’re not going out as much, it’s not because you’re old…..maybe you’re just not as EXCITED for the same old stuff anymore.  And maybe other things in life become more exciting.

With that, have a GREAT Friday!  And think of something to get excited about!
Maybe add some Novelty, Beauty, Growth, & Love in your day?

Sincerely,
A 30 year old Neville Medhora

P.S.  If you want, lemme know in the comments what get’s you excited as you’ve gotten older.  I’m FASCINATED by the changing enjoyments of people.  Would love to hear yours, no matter how silly :-)

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    Blog posted on: October 24, 2013

    24 comments on “why can’t I party as much on a friday as I get older?

    1. Ramon

      I think it’s a change of priorities rather than excitement. Like right now my top priority is raising my daughter and spending time with my wife. I still enjoy going out and getting blasted but I prefer to focus on the more important things in my life. I know I don’t get more excited about having to battle it out with my daughter for her to go to sleep than I would for a night of drinking with my buds. However making sure my daughter sleeps enough is more valuable to me than a night out.

      PS:Along those lines “What happened to you China? You used to be cool.” “Hey China still cool”

      Reply
    2. Gary Williams

      As a 42 year old, I hear you! I keep pushing myself to go out even when I don’t feel like it because (a) I don’t want to miss anything and (b) I don’t want to become an old fart before my time. The fact is though that I do want to socialise I different ways. For example, I want more proper conversation and less shouting single syllables over loud music and I don’t like getting in a 6am because I know the rest of the day will be written off and I’ll be missing out on other cool stuff. Everything is balance though. You can do everything you want just not at the same.

      Reply
    3. Suhail

      I never experienced the “crazy” phase of life in college, I tend to enjoy reading and drawing and other “boring” things, according to college life standards.

      At first, I felt down, as if I’m a very old person from the inside, since I witness all people in my age consume every bit of free time in doing what college students usually do.

      However, this lack-of-distractions atmosphere motivated me to think about it more deeply, and realizing in an early age that spending too much time in what you enjoy, is actually your own way of indulging this Crazy Phase of life, which as you noticed, could shrink with time because you become more serious and more cautious of the value of time that you don’t want to just enjoy all free time, rather you’d try to make more money and stuff.

      I’ll be 30 after a week, and I still people in my age, like you, get out a lot, doing the same things but now they have more money so it’s in a different level. And I still spend my crazy time…. reading a book XD The subject of interest changed, that’s my aging effect maybe.

      Enjoy your 30s decade.

      Suhail
      Saudi Arabia

      Reply
    4. Dividendium

      Changing enjoyments…

      I used to be REALY into finance/investing and every conversation I was in would turn to that, but now it’s a point of pride how much time I DON’T spend on that (and still get good returns).

      I used to really love fantasy fiction books, but now I get more excited about reading a non-fiction book on Behavior, Subconscious, Brains, or Learning.

      Reply
    5. Dave

      You’ve been there – done that. It’s not interesting any more because the human brain is specifically designed to ignore repeating patterns.

      I’m 62. In my 50′s I loved RV travel. Thought I always would. But not so much any more. Done it.

      My son is 34, and like yourself has created some successful internet businesses, and he spends a lot of his time traveling the world with his wife (and now new baby). I don’t get it, but it’s all new to him… for now.

      Life is long. It’s like every 10 years you get to start over with a new set of fun things to discover.

      Reply
    6. Valerie

      Maturity and other responsibilities have a LOT to do with the change for most people. Not just the lack of ‘excitement’, though certainly that plays into it. A 20-something person thinks nothing of getting drunk and making a fool of his or herself. No accountability and no thought to long-term ramifications of stupid stuff done while ‘blasted’. Or how the effects of hangovers appear when they show up for work the next day (trust me, your boss can tell!) Likewise being in a committed relationship changes the dynamic too. And having kids changes the focus on your life. Heck, when they are little taking kids places can be such a hassle with all the gear ya have to lug and the fact that you are ‘on the job’ as a parent means (if you’re responsible) that you aren’t going to be knocking back a 6-pack when you go out.

      For me (almost 50)… I still love to get a good buzz on when hanging out with friends and families, but my body doesn’t do alcohol very well these days. I’m a total lightweight now and recovering from the alcohol is NOT fun. … though usually worth it ;)

      Reply
    7. gisella

      For me it was just that wild clubbing just became less fun, after a while; or maybe when I reached the subconscious goal of 2000! :-)
      Extra reasons:
      - having many different and ever-growing interests, made/makes me enjoy having more time for other stuff (could be dinners with friends at home, with nice food and wines – or biking out of town, or maybe even learning to sail).
      - not being single any more, one less reason to go to crowded places and meet new people!

      Reply
    8. Chris Parsons

      I’m turning 29 on Sunday.

      In the last few years I figured out that the reason I didn’t go out as much anymore was because I was no longer worried I was going to miss something.

      In college, I couldn’t skip going out because I could miss some crazy story, or amazingly fun night filled with random awesomeness. But after enough of those experience, and enough of being told about those experience that you can’t remember because you were black out drunk, you don’t worry about ‘missing out’ anymore. Yes, I’m sure it will be fun. But I’ve been there and done that. How many ‘White Castle’ nights can you have before you figure out it was only exciting because of the unknown?

      Reply
    9. Rowan Hand

      I am 31. I probably didn’t “stop going out” until 29 or so. I totally agree with Chris that it was about “missing out on something.” I never found it by randomly going out, though.

      These days I enjoy Friday nights in simply to catch up on doing things for myself–getting better at skills for business or life, such as writing, music, mechanics, etc.

      This often means letting my friends (including my girlfriend) go out alone. They seem to think it is almost a duty to get wasted. I’ve never been judgmental about that, but I find it boring now!

      The Friday evening work session is great–it must be similar to what writers who get up at 5am talk about: that time in the morning where you don’t get disturbed at all.

      Good call, Nev–I think I’ve seen enough vomit on the streets (and there was a lot of that), and now experience tells me that this time is better spent invested in things dearer to my heart than booze. And beer is pretty dear to my heart!

      Reply
    10. Mike Bugslayer

      I’m almost 31 and I guess I’m way past magic 2000. I still enjoy going out on weekends. Mostly concerts even smallest bands, sometimes pubs. Maybe that’s because I get 2-3 calls each week if I’d like to go out somewhere.

      However I very rarely go out on weekdays, it affects your next day, so I switched to cooking, reading and tasting whisky.

      Reply
    11. Dave

      49. Would much, much rather play catch with my son than go out. Someday soon I won’t want or be able to catch his fastball.

      Reply
    12. Shecky

      Now that I’m in my 50′s, my body can’t handle the partying…much. But, I still partake on occasion. I’m probably more into learning new stuff now than ever before. I’m especially fond of learning from cool peeps who are younger than me who are doing great things. Hence, your blog. Nice work, Nev!

      Reply
    13. Priscilla

      Late 30′s here and a party girl for over a decade! But something shifted in my mid-thirties and now I just want to travel to far away countries like Bhutan. I lived in Vietnam and I’ve been to the Middle East, India is next baby! I like the challenge that represents being in a whole different environment, like being unable to read traffic signs! Have you ever tried asking the locals for directions while in Vietnam? Ordering food, renting a place, asking where the restroom is, even getting a glass of water. The gratification that you get from learning, struggling and accomplishing stuff in these far-away countries it’s so great, there’s no party or get together that could match that anymore.

      Reply
    14. Darcie

      At 39, I still love going out just as much as I did when I was younger, but I like to try a wider variety of different activities so I don’t get bored doing the same thing over and over. I still like going out downtown and having cocktails or going dancing with friends once in a while, but I also love networking and participating in business and entrepreneur events like Tech Brew and Startup Weekends. I even try to balance the typical “going out drinking” activity with a more healthy alternative, so I joined a running groups that drinks beer on trail. Perfect.

      Reply
    15. Jasmin

      In my late 20′s I would go out 5-6 days a week. It was so much fun and completely addictive b/c my friends and I lived in the same neighborhood (Uptown Dallas), so we could just walk to each other’s places and have dinner and drinks all the time. It was like college except we actually were professionals now (lawyers, dr’s, engineers)and not flat broke all the time! I would hate missing out on any of the gatherings but all those late nights didn’t really help with my concentration at work the next day.

      Slowly I started to realize my time was flying by and I wasn’t achieving any of the bigger goals in life I had dreamed of. I stopped responding and accepting all the invites and it was tough at first, but now that I realized that my time was my most precious asset, I spend it becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. Learning new things, and creating new things instead of just being entertained by TV and drunken conversations. Which are ok once in a while but not at the cost of not moving forward in your life.

      I’ve switched gears in 2009 doing more volunteer work and self-development and I couldn’t be happier. Instead of spending money on clothes, dinners, drinks, I’ve finished Masters, traveled 30 countries, and doing great at work. It was worth giving up old habits for sure!!!

      Reply
    16. sandy

      I switched into low gears in my late 30′s. And I’m glad I did. Now about 30 years later, I have a parent in their 80′s that is more active than most 20 year olds(they missed out on their childhood for sure)

      I think it’s a myth that “loving life to its fullest” means being active all the time.

      I love life and especially the solitary and peaceful arts and activities. Every now and then I enjoy some small group activity. But 90% of the time, I love peace, quiet and tranquility. Maybe I’m like this as a counterpoint to the super active parent.

      Reply
    17. Meherab

      I tend to find exitment in taking on new activities like swimming as I did not learn it when I was a child or learn to cook different cuisine or take up a new sport such as skiing, badminton or ice skating.

      Its always exiting when you try something new.

      Reply
    18. Romeo

      For me, it’s a function of my social circle. If someone calls me up and want to hang, I’m down. It doesn’t mean, and shouldn’t mean, that we’re going to get shit-faced. Just a change in venue, sometimes, like from your house to a nice bar or conference scene with friend is well worth the change in environment. Don’t you think?

      Reply
    19. Dalal

      Ha! Funny I’m reading this because now I kinda feel old :P
      Or maybe not… I’m 26 and believe it or not, I’ve never been into alcohol, drugs, clubbing, sheesha (hooka), bars and all that comes with this mess. People sometimes think it’s because I’m Muslim. I say no. It’s just that I’ve never been into such things.

      Things that excite me are outdoorsy activities, gatherings, board games and just catching up with friends. My kind of partying would be either karaoke (I karaoke like an Asian, no seriously!) or attending tech events, entrepreneurial events etc… I’m obsessed with knowledge and it’s kinda hard to find someone like me out there who can live in a library. Literally!

      If you know of any, send them my way haha!

      Reply
    20. biswashree

      Dear 30 year old Neville
      I can totally attest to this. I turned 20 today ( yeah Im not old old) and I noticed that I preferred a quite birthday celebration with few friends at home than going out……
      20 year old Biswashree

      Reply
    21. Mariam

      Just turned 28 and one thing that gets me excited is gardening. Its really enjoyable and I also like to visit community gardens whenever I travel. Same with farmers market.

      Reply
    22. Vicko

      Great piece Neville and super timely. I visited Austin last weekend for the first time and was blown away by the 6th street scene. I have been raving about Austin to anyone that will listen about the great vibe all over. I am in my mid (to late) 30′s and grew up in Australia, went to college and was super socially active. Your calculations are accurate, add in concoctions like tequila and chartreuse and the numbers compound too!! Looking at the heaving mass of 6th street debauchery I was filled with awe, envy and weariness all at once. I can still ‘get nostalgic’ when it comes to consumption and ‘lifting’ as some of my mates call it but I agree, there is something to be said for having acuity, exercising choice and applying time and energy in ways that nourish not disorient you. Rather than lament the transition, your post softens the nexus between ‘innocence to experience.’
      PS. I love yard sales!

      Reply
    23. Mike

      Im 21, going to be 22 in a couple months.
      And I agree once you experienced it all it ends up being the same crap over and over again.

      I guess I am bored of the night life. I dont mind social easy conversational events, but clubbing, house parties, raves eh. Im tired of it.

      Why?

      What other reason is there to go to a night club?
      Business connections? No
      Making same sex friends? No
      Creating a social bond with your male mates? maybe. (I already knew my friends, why get drunk and just act like monkeys for 7 hours? I didnt get it, but my friends call me weird lol)
      Meet beautiful women? Yes (that is the reason why I went.)

      I got over 250 numbers, one night stands, dates, friends with benefits, met some weird people, met some cool people, one time a drink was thrown at my face, crashed house parties, couple fights started but never actually engaged, and probably more things.

      I built huge self confidence and social skills by going out, especially going out alone. I think 75% time I went out alone to parties and clubs. Usually I had no clue who anyone was or what the party was about. I didnt care, as long as I was meeting people, especially women it was great.

      However, it got boring. Women and parties were no longer on my mind. Once you satisfy your hunger its hard to feel hungry again.

      Helping people and creating a successful business is my new hunger.

      I am not regretting the time spent at all.
      The same social skills I learned by going out a lot and especially going out alone are now being applied to the business events I go to.

      I create new connections and influence people so easily that I know my business is going to flourish greatly.

      P.S. What to be great with people, women, or men. Just give value, and expect nothing in return.

      Reply

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