Why being UNhappy is one of the greatest things to ever happen to humans

NOTE: I wrote this essay for people I’ve seen throughout life who’ve tried to escape problems in any way (drugs, alcohol, partying, stupid relationships etc).

You can also listen to it in audio format here:



by: Neville Medhora

Most people try to focus on their happiness…we all have.

However, identifying what makes you happy is very hard.  Here’s why:

Imagine you have no clue what you wanna do with your life.

So you get a job.

You like that job just enough not to quit….and justify to yourself that it’ll be “good experience for the future.”

Eventually the daily grind sets in, and you start looking for greener grass.  You get another job….and for a while it’s SOOO much better than your last job.

But once again….you start yearning for greener pastures.

At this pace, it’s EXTRAORDINARILY unlikely that you’re going to find an occupation that makes you very happy.  Every new job (or business) you try is just a crap-shoot with this method.  You never know….sometimes the right thing will come along.  But it’s MORE likely that you’ll go through many wasted years in this search….and might even turn up empty-handed.

Perhaps there might be a better way to find out what makes you happy.  And that’s by finding out what makes you UNHAPPY.

Let me explain this method, and how you can find out what needs to be improved in your life.  I’ll show you the simple method I use.

In fact, I personally use this method anytime I feel a bit unsatisfied.  Whenever something in my life doesn’t feel totally right. Whenever I ask myself, “If these were my last few days on Earth, is THIS what I’d be doing?” ….and the answer is a flat out no.

Well, here’s the method:

First let’s divide up our lives into three parts:

  • Health
  • Wealth
  • Love

That’s it.  Health, Wealth, and Love.

Health is well….our overall health.  How is it?  Is our body in an optimal state?  Are we feeding ourselves high quality fuel?  How do we feel about our physical state?  That is our health.  Rate the current state of your health from 1 to 10.

The next part is Wealth. How happy are you with your finances?  Are you very satisfied with your wealth? Satisfied with your income? Everyone always wants more….but how do you feel about the current level you’re at?  Rate the current state of your wealth from 1 to 10.

The next part is Love.  This refers to our relationships of all kind. With our family.  With our partners. With our spouses. With our friends. How happy are we with all these relationships?  Rate the current state of your love from 1 to 10.

So there we have it.  We broke up our entire lives into three separate areas:
Health, Wealth & Love.

We’ve also rated each one of those items on a scale of 1 to 10.

1 being completely and utterly dissatisfied.
10 being extremely satisfied and it needs virtually no improvement.

Well?  How did you do?

Almost always you’ll find at least one area that’s lower than you’d like it to be.

Now watch what happens here:
If there’s an area of your life that’s very high….such as a 9 on the scale….it seems you’re doing something very right.

Pretty much no action is needed in this case.  However in the parts of your life that are low and disappointing…..you need to take action.

You need to take action because of your UNHAPPINESS.  Not your HAPPINESS.

Did you see what we just did?  We now know what steps need to be taken…thanks to our UNHAPPINESS.

Okay…we’ve identified some problem areas in your life….Now onto solving those low areas of your life…..

To obtain any goal, you must overcome what preventing that goal.

For example:

  • To obtain peace, you must overcome violence.
  • To obtain wealth, you must overcome poverty.
  • To obtain winning, you must overcome losing.
  • To obtain happiness, you must overcome unhappiness.

So by first identifying what makes you un-happy…. It increases your odds of finding what DOES make you happy.

Being complacent never motivated anyone to do anything.  Being extremely unhappy however….has been the single greatest motivation for humans to take action EVER.


So you now have an exercise that can help you identify unhappy parts of your life.  But this principle of unhappiness can be applied to almost any part of your life.

Remember, by identifying what makes you UNhappy, you can see what DOES make you happy.

For example, let’s say you don’t really enjoy your job.  But you don’t know what else to do.

Well…let’s start at step 1 and find out what you DON’T enjoy about the job.

Perhaps you don’t enjoy that you’re always in one place and never get to travel.  This part of your job is a serious issue for you.

Immediately you can only start researching jobs that involve lots of travel.

Or perhaps you don’t enjoy sitting behind a desk and not interacting with people.  You’re a people person and you want to be in front of them all the time.

By seeing how this makes you unhappy, you can only search for jobs that involve lots of interaction and schmoozing.

Now it’s still up to you to develop the skills and talents needed to get a job of that type….but by paying attention to what makes you unhappy, you can at least guide yourself in the right direction.

So there it is.

An argument that identifying what you’re UNHAPPY about, can be more powerful than seeing what you ARE happy about.  We can always somehow justify how lucky and happy we are at all times.  And that positive outlook is great.

But I don’t see why identifying what’s making you unhappy has to be negative.  It’s simply a problem you’re having at the time.  And you’re in search of a solution.

Don’t identify what makes you unhappy just to complain about it…..identify what makes you unhappy and DO something about it.  Swirl ideas around your head that help you solve the problem.  Go seek out books and information that educate you more about the problem.

Is it a bad relationship that’s dragging the love part of your life down?

Seek out books about the problem you’re having to see what others have done.  Or perhaps it’s time to completely exit the relationship…this can apply to significant others, family, roommates, friends, co-workers…anyone.

Is your health suffering because you’re not taking care of your body?  Then take action by educating yourself about the subject, and implementing what you’ve learned.  Even better, hire an expert to help you work through the problem.  Use your extreme dissatisfaction with your health to take action.

Is your wealth not at a point you’d like it to be?

Then carefully analyze your situation to see why that may be.  Are you working at a job that doesn’t pay much?  Is there a small business you can start to make a little extra money on the side?

Use your dissatisfaction to research the hell out of the subject so you can get out of your low-income mindset and position in life.

Anyhow, let’s end this here……but I first want you to rate each part of your life again….to see where you could use the most improvement if any.

On a scale from 1 to 10, rate your Health, Wealth and Love.

Rate each one.

Write it down.  Right now.  It only takes a few seconds.

See which one you’re most dissatisfied with….and then you’ll know where to begin improving.

This is Neville Medhora.  Goodnight.